Fatty Patties

Traversing Portland's cartland, the Reporter has had his fair share of hot dogs, burritos, tacos, noodles, cheesesteaks, and even schnitzel. But there has been a je ne sais pas that has been missing. But like a word you've been searching for that someone suddenly says in casual conversation, the realization hits like a bolt with a visit to Fatty Patties. Until Fatty Patties opened on Pioneer Square a few months ago, finding a burger in cartland was an exercise in frustration. With the exception of Phillies on the Phly on Fifth Avenue, burgers were non-existent. How could a city with hundreds of food carts fail to have one, two, or even a dozen burger carts?

Fatty Patties is a relatively small cart with a 12-patty grill and a two-basket fryer. The menu is bare-bones: hamburger ($3.25), cheeseburger ($3.50), double cheeseburger ($4.50), double cheeseburger with bacon ($3.75), chicken strips ($4.75), and fried chicken ($4.75); fries on side for $1.50 more. Order of fries are $2.00 or $3.00.

I ordered the hamburger, no cheese (a cheeseburger is pictured here). All burgers are 1/3 pound and come with lettuce, tomato, onion, and Fatty Patties sauce and a sesame seed bun. Pickles and ketchup are to the side, next to the napkins. It was a satisfying burger, though it could benefitted from the three slices of cheese that come with a cheeseburger (that was my fault, though, for trying to save some calories and fat grams). There was not enough sauce for me to notice it and the layering of the accoutrements was slightly out of order.

You ask: "Is there a correct way to order veggies on a sandwich?" Yes, there is:

1. Rule #1 is that tomatoes must touch any mayo-based sauce (an extension of this rule dictates that the tomatoes must have a light sprinkling of salt to draw the juice out to mingle with the mayo). There are no exceptions to this rule.
2. After tomatoes (working vertically downward, i.e., bun, mayo, tomatoes, etc.), come onions. Onions benefit from gravity's effect on the tomato juices which mix with the onion juices.
3. Lettuce is last, inserting itself between the burger (or other protein) and the veggies.
   

4. Finally, in true McDLT fashion, the veggie half of the sandwich shouldn't touch the protein half under mere seconds before consumption. Otherwise, the meat heat will wilt the the lettuce. (Note that even McDonald's gets the order wrong!)
   

Fatty Patties earns rave reviews among the Cart Reporter's investigative staff. Some investigators get Patties several times a week.

PS: Fatty Patties fries are curly fries which are both plentiful (even for the $1.50 side), hot, and tasty.